A satirical 5e campaign supplement and resource book expanding the world of Monsters of Murka with new items, subclasses, and monsters!
Latest Updates from Our Project:
10/21/21 Update
over 4 years ago
– Thu, Oct 21, 2021 at 11:46:19 PM
Salutations Everybody
So, we’ve nearly done it y’all. With the exception of Frontmatter (which consists of some legalese, all your lovely names and that of our writers and playtesters, etc) and Backmatter (the final page statement, more legalese, possibly an index, in other words: all the things that go at the back of the book) nearly everything for Restaurants and Retail is ready to rock and roll out to the layout artist, which is the final step before we send it to printers and those of you got PDFs get your lovely PDFs. Those of you who got hardcopies will get them when the printer finishes with them and ships and they arrive at your homes.
There’s actually a really interesting and long history of Frontmatter and Backmatter being used to inject just a little bit more of the author’s voice into what oftentimes can be a more veiled ‘hearing’ of it in the book’s technical ‘contents’ proving by way of example we have WOTC's attempt at humor:
This is the Monster Manual's frontmatter 'disclaimer' joke: Any similarities between monsters depicted in this book and monsters that actually exist are purely coincidental. That goes double for mindflayers, which absolutely, utterly, and completely do not exist, nor do they secretly run the D&D team. Do we really need a disclaimer to tell you that? You shouldn't use your brain to cinsider such irrational thoughts. They only make the mind cluttered, confused, and unpleasantly chewy. A good brain is nice, tender, and barely used. Go ahead, put down this book and watch some reality V or Internet cat videos. They're really funny these days. You won't regret it. We say this only because we love you and your juicy, succulent gamer brain.
And we actually did it in the front of the core book too!
Action Fiction's Frontmatter joke reads: Don't you have something better to do than read the front matter minutia of a satire campaign setting?
The Stuff You Actually Tuned in to See, R&Art:
The good news with us sending things off to our wonderful layout artist is that it means we are that much closer to putting these books in your hands in both a digital and physical sense, the bad news is that most of the steps between here and you smelling the delicious, umami scent of your books are actually out of our hands. Shipping right now, in a lot of industries but the TTRPG and Board Games industry especially, is awful. We will, as always, endeavor to make this process as painless as possible for you, but there's only so much we'll be able to do in the foreseeable future.
(Un?)fortunately we don’t live in the weird world of Murka, but if we DID the solution to such a problem would be obvious I should think. We’d probably just hire a very fine adventurer like this one
A Green dragonborn with white horned tips carries a battle spork over one should and lowers red sunglasses just enough to see over them. He wears a Short-sleeve denim jacket and white booty shorts that read 'UMAMI' across the backside in red text.
In a very fine vehicle such as this
Pictured here we have one of the dreaded Autobeasts of Murka, a rather large green one with a broken tooth, getting absolutely DECKED by a man in a similarly green outfit that consists of workpants a crew neck and a trenchcoat.
To deliver the egregious, wonderful books y’all have helped create into your hands.
Conclusion
Things are, as always, going strong here at Action Fiction. I know I’ve said it before but we really are just SO VERY CLOSE to the finish line with this. Thank you all for hanging in there with us, and we hope you find these books as enjoyable as we have found them frustrating to write. Much love to all you lovelies out there, may the bones be ever in your favor.
Sincerely,
Brad S.V. Roberts and the Action Fiction Faction
Hello From The 11th Hour
over 4 years ago
– Mon, Oct 04, 2021 at 12:10:48 PM
Hey hey, CJ Thomas here: It’s been a hot minute since we’ve updated you about Restaurants and Retail, so I’m here this week to break the silence:
The last few weeks of editing have been a little dry, but productive. We recently started the editing process for Monsters of Murka: Chromatic Gamut, alongside some of the tail-end edits we’re doing on Restaurants & Retail.
For R&R, we’re currently focused into refining the last minute details of the Player Options section. After receiving some notes from our layout artist and chief editor JB, we have been fine tuning the upcoming subclasses, as well as refining the general formatting and language of the section.
If your eyes glazed over while reading the above paragraph, don’t worry—mine did too.
Beyond these detail-items, there really hasn’t been a ton going on—we’re truly entering the 11th hour of R&R, where the only exciting thing happening is our collective sighs of relief, and small, but necessary pieces of maintenance.
Ok, But Show Me The Details
One of my favorite detail items from Player Options has been getting a second look at the Paladin subclasses: I’m a big Paladin main in most of my games, so it surprised no one in AF. The tenets of the paladin subclasses are the building blocks of a unique, and more complex philosophy for your paladin characters. I especially enjoy that each set of tenets is both complex and direct, but open enough to allow for interpretation. It’s little things like this that allow us, and you, to create more complex and vibrant worlds every time we sit down to play.
Below are some of the tenets for each paladin subclass, with more that will feature in the final book:
Tenets from the Paladin of Deliciousness:
Wouldst thou like the taste of butter? There is only foolishness in denying oneself the joy of excesses in order to prolong life, for what use is suffering in order to suffer longer? The body, the soul, the world: these things are all just as fleeting as pleasure. Gorge yourself on all that is.
Wouldst thou like a pretty dress? Deliciousness is not limited to what you can taste; the wonderful excesses of the world take many forms that you can take from those unable to defend them. Acquire a taste for everything.
Tenets from the Paladin of Flavor:
Seek Out A Life Full Of Zest. There is a world of flavor beyond the borders of your experience, and you only find them by expanding your own personal horizons. You are charged with exploring the world’s flavors, not to take for yourself, but to share with all.
Burn Away The Distasteful. As much as you are charged with sharing good with the world, you must also never ignore evil when you see it. You are charged with taking arms against the things which seek to destroy the body, the soul, and the community.
Lastly, I want to leave you with a little art: This is “Tunnels of The Underhall,” a piece that we’ll be using as we describe the forgotten city that leaves beneath the Hall of Murka!
Beneath the Hall of Murka lies the Underhall: A ruined memory of ages gone by, still occupied by a smattering of dimly lit shops...
Conclusion
While some life changes here at the AF team have made editing more difficult, we’re still feeling very confident that both books will be ready for our 2022 Q1 release! Have a wonderful week, stay safe and remember I’m pullin’ for ya.
We’re all in this together.
CJ Thomas and the Action Fiction team
Openings and Closings
over 4 years ago
– Thu, Sep 16, 2021 at 12:48:58 AM
Hello From Very Near The Finish Line!
And we mean that sincerely, we really are VERY near the finish line. The past few weeks we've been working on the introduction and outroduction of R&R and we feel like we have it down to almost exactly where we'd like it to be.
Now For those Spoilers you all came for
For those unaware we actually have 2 introductory sections, both of which combined will be smaller than the first book. The ending we are trying to keep a surprise (after all, little things like surprises keep a relationship like ours healthy and happy right?), but I can tell you that it will be twofold:
The first, which is honestly more of a prelude, will be a SHORT essay on the Colorado Labor Wars and the important role this oft untalked-about bit of American history played both in satire and in the way we live. This essay will be penned by our very own Jaron R. M. Johnson and thus have his very specific flair.
The second is more of a traditional introduction by Murka's very own god of Commerce, William Maize! That's right! He's big, he's funny, he's Murka's god of money, it's William Maize! And while, again, I am hesitant to show you the final version that made it into the book so as to keep things from going stale in this wonderful relationship we have, I do have a somewhat chaotic, alternate version that I can and will share with y'all at the bottom of the post! This introduction was one of three we were debating on using and honestly? I think we made the right decision on going with the one we went with, but that decision was hard, and I hope you'll see why.
Conclusion
As always, your support is appreciated and we are so very lucky to have you. We are doing our level best to keep our heads screwed on correctly AND get this book to you as soon as possible. We really are so very close we can nearly taste it, and we hope you can too.
“Hi, William Maize here, god of trade and commerce—”
“AH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!”
Appearing in his bright blue shirt, the god William Maize hovers above the floor of a sad, disheveled looking apartment next to an equally sad looking shut-in of a writer, Brad Roberts.
“I’m glad you asked! I’m here to talk about the book that we’ve just delivered into the arms of our audience around the world—It’s Monsters of Murka: Restaurants and Retail! That’s right, it’s finally here!”
“Ok, yeah, that’s fine” Brad waves his arms to interrupt the golden salesman, “But this is MY HOUSE, I LIVE HERE!”
William Maize turns towards the camera with a bright, toothy smile, “I literally could not care less!
Restaurants and Retail has everything you could ever want to help you and your companions navigate the commercial world of Murka: We have subclasses, spells, wacky new items, we’ve got even monsters to guarantee you’ll never sleep peacefully again—and we’re just getting started!”
“And that’s great, and I already know that because I helped write it!”
“Oh I know that, buddy - that’s why I’m here! We gotta pitch it to the fans, together!” Maize replies.
“Oh God, this is a nightmare…”
“This time around, we’re going to step away from the broad-scope, political world of the core Monsters of Murka book, and talk about something that has defined Murkan culture since the very beginning: Capitalism! Personally, it’s a favorite of mine, so I recommend it 10 OUT OF 10, every time!!”
The camera cuts to a shot of William Maize and Brad flipping through the pages of Restaurants and Retail,
“Look at this,” Says Maize, “Look at the pages, look how many pages there are!”
“Yeah, it’s a lot, it was-”
Maize looks back into the camera, “-That’s right! This book is larger than we ever thought it was going to be!”
“We?”
“What was Hell on Earth for us in the writing room is a blessing for you, dear reader!
“Us?"
This book is absolutely jam-packed with content!!”
"I’m getting my bat…”
Maize grabs Brad and puts a hand over his mouth, muffling his screams.
“This book will guide you to some of the most fantastical places in the kingdom, places where the free market lives on! You’ll go to the restuaropolis of Flavor City, home to the mighty and bodacious Guillame Fierre and his Paladins of Flavor. Here you’ll fight sentient food, cook up new spells, and sample some of the greatest cuisine ever conceived of by sapient life. I mean, the food here is literally OUT OF THIS WORLD.
Next, we’ll take you to the City in A Bottle, the Hall of Murka! This world-with-walls is run by a living legend, the folk hero Tall Hammertoe. You’ll meet other fun folks like the prankster duo, Jey and The Silent Tongue, and Ratinim: a spymaster who dreams of revenge. The Hall of Murka offers up some of the best in merchandise, underground housing, and horrors from the deep! Leave those pesky morals at home, because here money is actually king!”
“BUT I’M NOT DONE YET!” Maize accidentally snaps Brad’s neck attempting to excitedly raise his hands into the air. Brad slumps to the ground.
“After you leave the Hall of Murka you’ll travel to one of the strangest places yet! Within Murka lives a virulent cancer known only as Walmoria: A truly gargantuan superstore that not only dips underground, we’re pretty sure it dips into lost dimensions and other universes—but we literally cannot confirm that! Walmoria is so weird, I think it actually messed me up a little!
That’s right! Walmoria is so capitalistic it made me, the god of commerce, sick to my core! So sick that if you send a writwit RIGHT NOW, I’ll include a copy of my holy hospital bills alongside your copy of Monsters of Murka: Restaurants and Retail! That’s an incredible steal!!”
“BUT I’M GOING TO TAKE IT ONE STEP FURTHER!” With the flick of the wrist, a golden light descends on Brad’s body, raising him from the dead. Brad stands up and positions himself next to Maize as his co host.
“Every one of the location chapters of Restaurants and Retail includes adventure hooks, notes from your favorite characters, and alternative rules suggestions! All of this is on top of the endless hours of parody and commentary written into every paragraph on every page. This is your front row seat to see the culture so obsessed with making money that they made ME one of their gods! Isn’t that right, Brad?”
“That’s right, Lord Maize, O Mighty Golden One!” Says Brad, unusually chipper despite looking like 2020,
“This book has been our most ambitious project to date, and we have you, our supporters, to thank! Thank you so much for helping us make our dreams and nightmares come true!”
“And enjoy Monsters of Murka: Restaurants and Retail!”
A Wild Bayleaf Appears
over 4 years ago
– Thu, Aug 26, 2021 at 03:25:32 PM
*Picturesunrelatedto text because I do what I want*
Boy Howdy
How is everyone? You’ve probably never heard from me on R&R updates, but I’m Bailey! Some of you might have seen my face in one of those “dark archive videos” a few months back, talking about my writing on R&R. Well! I’m back, and here to help with some updates as the 3 LADS (Loud, Ambitious, Delinquent Satirists) focus on editing.
Brad, Jaron, and CJ have been working super hard on edits and are getting really freaking close to finishing. Currently, they’re going through the minutiae of Frontmatter, Backmatter, and the various introductions. AND they finished Walmoria completely! This puts me, as one of the writers, in a very unique spot to talk about what you can see in Walmoria, and what my experience was writing for R&R.
What is Walmoria?
Now, some of you might need a refresher, or perhaps you saw the funny Guy Fierri Dragon and, in a haze, pledged without even glancing at the Walmoria description. This is dutifully accepted and appreciated as well.
Walmoria is our satirical take on the big yellow smile, Walmart itself. Walmoria is more than just a parody of the big chain though and represents all big chain stores that muscle into neighborhoods and create food droughts, the destruction of small businesses, and the exploitation of workers from field, to farm, to shelf.
R&R is our anti-capitalism module, and Walmoria is a great example of where that shines. But we can’t just parody a store, you gotta put a fantasy spin on it.
That is why Walmoria is also a bizarre mix of the Labyrinth (the Greek legend, not the iconic David Bowie film though I guess that too), and the Lord of the Rings. Walmoria stretches far and wide and it is rumored that each entrance is connected together like some kind of extensive mine that someone may have dug too deep into and thus woke an ancient, unholy creature.
That brings me to--- The Walrog!!!
This smartly dressed little champ is a monster yours truly designed! He travels through the hallways of Walmoria, never to be lost, and is something like the acting manager on-site. Always carrying a clipboard, he also has his trusty whip at his side known as the corporate-chain.
Almost always a pacifist, never looking to disrupt the ‘higher ups’ for the benefit of the workers under him, he also has a mean streak. And in those rare bouts of anger, you better watch out for his charge attack! AND, some of that wonderful innate magic, like the ability to cast maze where your party will find it quite difficult .
Alt Text: Cha-Ching, a money throwing spell is pictured above being used by what appears to be a halfling dressed in a blue shirt and brown leather pants, wearing slitted sunglasses, an amulet with the dollar sign on it around their neck and holding two coin-shooters. Some of the coins explode and a very distubed tiefling, wearing no armor, reasonably flees with their hands on their head.
The other shining glory of my contribution to Walmoria was the Pharmacy and the Essential Oil section! The Pharmacy has EVERY healing item you could possibly want! And I do mean everything; the shelves are stocked with spell scrolls of healing, magic painkillers, health potions, and the whole thing is run by Walmoria-brand clerics and healers. The only catch is… if you don’t have insurance then each item bought in this section is triple the price of what you could find elsewhere. They have it all, but at what cost?
Oh! And yes! Insurance is a new feat in R&R too-- it is literally to help cover the cost of healing supplies both in and outside of Walmoria. Pretty handy for the haggler in your group to grab. Especially if you have a leetle blue Tiefling Cleric in your party. But don’t worry, as with everything we make, we followed our LUP philosophy, so your non-Walmoria Murkan characters should find being insured just as useful.
Alt Text: The Spell, Wall of Fries is pictures, a redhaired adventurer holding a map stands in the shadow of an enormous 2-layer wall of fried-spuds covered in a thick red sauce that one sincerely hopes is ketchup.
Last but not least is the Essentially Oils department! Essentially Oils is always conveniently located right by the Pharmacy and you can find all-natural,organic "healing" goods lining the shelves. The leading alternative to cleric-made medicines, the Kaerens who work there SWEAR that the greases and creams they sell work just as well, if not better, than anything those heathens across the way offer.
Well, that’s all for now kids! You’ll be hearing from Brad, Jaron, or CJ soon on predicted end editing dates as they power through the last of the book. I’m thinking maybe a few more weeks? It’s a lot to read, even as little as there is left and I DO NOT envy them right now.
Thank you for your continued support! And if you’re interested to know more about Walmoria please feel free to hop on into the Action Fiction Community Discord server and ping me (SkepsisRee) to ask me whatever you’d like!
Cheers!
Bailey and the Action Fiction Team
We Did It! Y'ALL WE DID IT!
over 4 years ago
– Mon, Aug 16, 2021 at 08:31:13 PM
Content Warning: Murder, Pain, Exhaustion Discussion, Spiders, Excessive use of the Mountains and Molehills metaphor.
WE FINISHED WALMORIA!
Y'all, I absolutely CANNOT stress enough just how finished we are with Walmoria, but needless to say, it is very.
I do apologize for the lack of update last week, and to those in the discord who I told I would make an update through the week for failing to do that. But y'all. Y'ALL. WE FINISHED WALMORIA!!! It's done.
The Mountain has been slain, all that now remains is a series of Molehills and it'll be OFF TO THE RACES.
But enough about our well-being, y'all are here for those sweet, sweet updates.
AND HEEEEEERE THEY ARE!!!
Starting us off we have some wonderful art from the section we JUST FINISHED WALMORIA OMG Y'ALL WE ARE SO CLOSE TO BEING DONE NOW!
Alt Text: A Spindle Spider, glowing red from some off-screen light, picks through the human skulls that it dwarfs. The front half and legs are all classic enormous spider, the back half is made up of a combined 3-spindle wheels. It looks very hungry.
Next, One of my favorite pieces in the book, The Flavor Dragonborn. Born with a belch weapon and a penchant for fashionable eyewear, this unique Dragonborn Subrace adds a blast of spice to any party. I can't remember if I've shared this piece before with y'all or just looked at it quite a bit but either way, here it is!
Alt Text: A taste dragonborn, green skinned and holding a battle spork over one shoulder looks overtop their sunglasses and is slightly turned to the camera. White spikes adorn the top of their head and they wear a denim vest, a black undershirt, booty-shorts and that say Umami on them, and red sneakers.
Lastly, once more from Walmoria, The Price Gun, a tool used to....ya know what, you get it.
Alt Text: The Price Gun is depicted, a boxy, steampunky looking pistol that is firing a sort of blue light that displays "6.97" as the price of whatever it's currently pointed at, which appears to be just off camera. Maybe it's you?
Conclusion
That's it for this week, I will do my best to be back on track next week as things have sort of died down. We are all exhausted, but we did it, and to celebrate I'm once again going to be giving out a special role on our discord to anyone who can guess who wrote the following three sections, this time, instead of adventure hooks, it's NPCs!
Shoutout to username: A Gay Wizard on our discord who won our last contest like this from a few weeks back!
The Rules: The following contains one NPC and description written by Jaron, one by Collin, and one by Brad. Be aware, some of these may get a little long. Anyone and everyone is welcome to a guess but you each only get one. Whoever gets its first will be given a special roll on our discord and a shoutout in the following update!
ALT TEXT: Tim Bundydill: In his dissertation, Dr. Egil Finejar wrote “Walmoria didn’t need more mysteries and yet: Tim Bundydill still exists.” Tim typically appears before travellers as a stylishly dressed and oddly disarming-looking shopper. He dazzles adventurers with his reality bending powers, and on occasion he murders somebody. Tim’s powers range from the simplistic lighting of hallways to the ability to pick up cursed objects like they’re the morning paper, to his ability to reshape Walmoria at will. Tim claims to have witnessed the rise of Walmoria, the awakening of Urth’s races, and even the first rain. Some have theorized that Tim might be a member of The Board, while others believe that he might be the undying heart of Walmoria, or perhaps even the ageless center of all evil in the universe: Though here, within the confines of Walmoria, he’s just Tim.
Alt Text: Sarahmon the White: Long haired and dangerous, Sarahmon the White was once an avid adventurer, and an industrious follower of Rose. Now, the pale one rarely leaves either of the two towers in which she resides. The designated esthetician for the Walmorian Kaerenites, members of the cult come from all corners of Murka to have their locks done in religiously appropriate ways and, for those who choose the way of pain, various body parts waxed. In return, they share their secrets with the ancient wizard, serving as a living network of eyes and ears for the whitest wizard.
ALT TEXT: Lumbergh Ya'Thanx The iconic poster-child for middle management. A wry cynic, and a master of delegation. Lumbergh leads a platoon of managers who in turn lead platoons of lower managers who in turn… Well, you get the idea. Lumbergh is a master of social deception and misdirection, serving the board with his shirt well-tailored and his nose well-browned. Lumbergh and his army of cronies keep all of the Manageri’s anti-adventurer records well-concatenated in Total Parties Slain, or TPS, reports.
As always, thank you all so much for your support, it means the world to us and is probably the most important thing that helped us through some of the more sloggy parts of this editting process. The second most important thing was caffeine.
